The Cat23 Academy's Laws of Diplomacy

Play to win. Go big or go home. Who wants another piece of another dumb draw, anyway? [Goloth's First Law]

Play to learn. Play to improve. Play so that -- win or lose -- you are always better than you were the last time your opponents encountered you. [Iverson's Corollary]

Post armies and fleets in strong stations -- or, in other words, an army in Munich is worth three armies in Denmark, so leave Denmark to the fleets. [Goloth's Second Law]

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. [Mencken's Conjecture]

Never forget that opponents and allies do things for their own reasons, not yours. [Goloth's Third Law]

Play the situation on the map as it is, not as it should be. It will never, ever be as it should be. [Goloth's Fourth Law]

Goloth is, quite obviously, a dangerous right-wing loon. But don't let that stop you listening to what he has to say because he is still making some salient points. [Harrap's Zeroth Law]

The enemy of the enemy of my enemy is my enemy. [Harrap's First Law]

The act of trusting someone, despite clear indications that you shouldn't, does not impress them enough that they suddenly become trustworthy. In reality, they see you as a sucker. [Harrap's Second Law]

Revenge is for suckers. [McZet's Rule of Thumb]

Double-check your orders. If you bungle them you will look unimaginably stupid. [McZet's First Law of Stabbing]

Don't apologize; don't rationalize. It is indistinguishable from gloating. [McZet's Second Law of Stabbing]

Don't stop killing them till you're sure they're dead. [McZet's Third Law of Stabbing]

Many a Diplomacy game has been won or lost, not by the actions of the winning party, but because a third power got ticked off enough to let the leader win. Usually this was not the result of any stellar diplomacy by the leader, but rather by miserly treatment afforded the little third. Never underestimate the effect that greed has on the outcome of Diplomacy games. [McZet's Miser]

Never listen to your opponents' words when you can view your opponents' deeds. [Ecton's First Law]

Diplomacy requires the strength to bear having personal enemies. [The Law of Ecton's Boasting]

It ain't braggin' if you can back it up. [Ecton's Boast]

If we see that Germany is winning the war we ought to help Russia, and if Russia is winning the war we ought to help Germany, and in that way let them kill as many as possible. [Truman's Law]

He lied, I knew he lied and he knew I lied. That was diplomacy. [Kimball's Truth]

He who walks in the middle of the road gets hit from both sides. [Schultz' Law]

You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun, than with a word alone. [Capone's Law]

War is not an independent phenomenon, but the continuation of politics by different means. [Von Clausewitz' First Law]

In such things as war, the errors which proceed from a spirit of benevolence are the worst. Many assume that half efforts can be effective. A small jump is easier than a large one, but no one wishing to cross a ditch would jump across half of it first. [Von Clausewitz' Second Law]

Always leave a path of escape for the enemy, as a temptation for him to get out of the fight and to flee for safety. If he sees no way out, he will fight to the death. And the point is to defeat him, not necessarily to kill him, isn't it? [Wei Chan Hung's Law]

Sometimes the best way to bury the hatchet between friends is to get together and bury it into someone else. [Huber's Hatchet Law]

Dying is what you do, when you stop fighting. You can't plan to die gracefully, if you don't plan on dying. Never die gracefully, but rather fight gracefully (except when it is better to fight dirty). [Brahm's Protest]

Never argue with idots. It brings you down to their level, then they beat you with experience. [Ecton's Wise Law]

Never willingly engage in a fair fight when you have the ability to make it unfair. If you get on the wrong end of an unfair fight, you are up against someone with superior diplomatic skills, or who puts in more effort, and hopefully not both. [Lauren's Rules of Engagement]

The first object of Diplomacy is never willingly to engage in a fair fight. Never willingly engage in an unfair fight either, unless it is unfair for the other guy. If the fight is unfair for you, your diplomacy is no good. [Lauren's Old Rules of Engagement]

If you're going to lie, lie big -- and never get caught lying by a power who has more than one unit. [Alexander's Rule]

If you trust an ally enough to let two supply centers open for him, then you are trusting an enemy. [Hemgi's First Law of Stabbing]

When an ally with more supply centers than you have is proposing to you a two-way draw, he is in fact proposing to stab you at a near future time. When an ally with fewer supply centers than you have is proposing to you a two-way draw, he is in fact buying some time to get more supply centers than you have: at this point, the former principle will apply. [Hemgi's Second Law of Stabbing]

Superior tactics can indeed defeat superior numbers, even in Diplomacy. [Highfield's First Law]

Only a fool dislodges a unit and allows a retreat if he has the capability of forcing an enemy's annihilation. [Highfield's Second Law]

Why hold when you can support? [Highfield's Third Law]

Position in Spring, centers in Fall, unless the position you need just happens to be a supply center. [Highfield's Positional Principle]

Variety is the spice of life. Play the same country in the same fashion with the same moves enough times, and you'll continue to lose games. [Highfield's Stochastic Strategy Theorem]

Someone who agrees with you 80% of the time is not some 20% traitor; he's your friend and ally. [Reagan's Rule]

Check and re-check your orders. The last thing you need to do is build where you already have a unit or attempt to move a unit to a province it can't get to. [Rudis' First Law]

Always remember that another player may, as part of some twisted, maniacal plot, choose to misorder anyway. [Rudis' Second Law]

If you've thought of something, then chances are that someone else has thought of it as well. [Rudis' Third Law]

Just because someone else has thought of the same thing you have doesn't mean that you shouldn't go ahead and try it anyway. [Rudis' Fourth Law]

The best attack is one where they think that you didn't do it on purpose. [Cohen's Law]

Don't fear to stab. Your allies expect you to stab them, sooner or later (if they don't, then why are they playing Diplomacy, of all games?). You want to stab them before they stab you. This is fair; they want to stab you before you stab them, after all. [Goloth's Golden Rule]

Be reluctant to stab a small ally in Diplomacy, when the small ally can punish you by throwing eighteen to someone else. Better that the small ally stab you first. [Goloth's Law of Discretion]

When you find a stalemate line, use it as a lever to force the guy on the other side to concede something to you. Why not? You could use it as a beam to bar the door and force the draw, but for what? This is the Academy. [Goloth's Lever Principle]

There are lies, evil lies and Army Venice - Trieste. [Twain's Disraeli Maxim]

Supporting a unit that cannot be dislodged proves to your enemies that you have an insufficient grasp of the tactical situation. [White's Rule of Support]

Write everyone. All the time. Every turn. [Cavebabe's First Law of Communication]

Get the last word. [Cavebabe's Second Law of Communication]

Make sure the last words are, "I win." [Cavebabe's Other Law of Communication]

Success in Diplomacy is inversely proportional to the number of public posts. [The Law of Inverse Posting]

The mark of a great diplomat is the ability to negotiate successfully with people who hate you. [Monster's Law]

Don't forget to look at the map. [Geyer's Truth]

Everything Counts [Faust's First Law]

Never React [Faust's Second Law]

Never Respond [Crow's Reaction]

The object of Diplomacy is to win. The purpose is to play the game. The odds of an exciting, artistic game are enhanced when all players accept both views. [Edwin's Law]

The object of Diplomacy is to win, but the purpose is to create a Diplomacy game. It takes all seven players to accomplish the latter. [Edwin's Corollary]

If you are being ganged up on, go down fighting, but do die gracefully. The best players in the world couldn't help Austria if Russia, Turkey and Italy all wanted a piece of the empire. [Cousins' First Law]

We're dedicated to keeping the game going without NMRs even when it's Spring 1916 and we're down to a two-center power with a fleet out in the Barents Sea and an army in Gascony 'fer crying out loud and facing down two different 14 SC superpowers and there's no way that we're going to win but still, look, the game must go on. [Deeny's Creed]

In the immortal words of some evil guy, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. It works better in Diplomacy when stated, Keep your friends close, but between you and your enemies. [Cousins' Evil Law]

If you are in a position where you have a back door, be very good friends with your neighbour. If you decide later to anger that neighbour, be sure that the neighbour you really angered at your front door has died first. [Cousins' Angry Law]

Big clubs can be effective, but only if used wisely. Your other neighbours may have smaller sticks, but if they don't like the way you use your club, you'll be eating wood very shortly. [The Canuck's Principle of Big Clubs]

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival. [Churchill's Law]

It's only a game. Have fun and keep a sense of humour. [Cousins' Last Theorem]

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